A Fantastic Fit

Do you ever just have a day where you woke up in a bad mood? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed? Woke up grumpy? Well, yesterday (Tuesday) I woke up, got into my "quiet time" chair, and just started complaining. I was upset that Monday wasn't a good day. Upset at myself for not making it a good day, upset at others for getting in the way of me having a good day, and let's be honest, a little upset with God...well, basically because I was blaming everyone else, so while I was at it, why not? My focus was not where it should have been. I was focused on my circumstances...on everything I DIDN'T like. Focused on WHY certain things were happening and why others were not. I didn't have any answers, and that just made me more upset. I journaled and complained for a good 30 minutes. Not a very pretty sight. After I finished my ranting and raving, THEN I picked up my bible study. (I've learned my lesson: read bible first, THEN journal.)


Well, my study was on Psalm 131.

"Lord, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I do not get involved with things too great or too difficult for me. Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself like a little weaned child with its mother; I am like a little child. Israel, put your hope in the Lord, both now and forever."

When we don't understand something (like LIFE), we tend to either a) begin assuming and presuming that we know EXACTLY what God is up to, and start speaking of things "too great or too difficult for me," or b) begin to see ourselves a victims, as "God's victims, like rag dolls tossed about by His sovereignty and unrestrained power" (Beth Moore, Stepping Up, page 136).

Long story short, I chose "b" yesterday morning. I was complaining about everything I could possibly think of, and in essence, seeing my situation (my bad day) as a result of where God has brought me. I was actually blaming God for things not working out like I wanted them to work out. It took sitting down, shutting up and opening His word to make me remember that although I will not always know why, or have all the answers, He is still completely worthy of my trust, and is willing to let me cry while He comforts me. Even though He doesn't budge in His Will or His purpose or His authority, He is still real enough to love me while I throw a fantastic fit.

This bible study was so pertinent to me, because you see, I baby-sat this weekend for a three-year old. And what a blessing! ;D I did have a lot of fun, but I also learned that kids are not always sweet and cuddly! They can actually be grumpy and moody!! Who would have thought?! Well, let me paint this picture for you: baby sleeping in the car, taking a much-needed nap because she didn't sleep well at ALL the night before. We were going to a dance recital, which I thought would be great fun. I pictured a sweet, well rested girl groggily waking up, seeing that we were at the dance recital, and being excited to see the dancers. NOPE. Sweet, baby girl woke up SCREAMING. She reminded me of a little dinosaur. Crying, and ANGRY. She didn't want to go to the recital, she didn't want to eat her lunch, she didn't want her drink. She didn't want to be held but she also didn't want to be put down. I was completely at a loss. Since I couldn't leave her in the car, I picked her up out of her seat (screaming, mind you), and we went for a little walk. We found a place to sit (it was SUCH a beautiful day, and we were a the beautiful campus at Brenau University) and she continued to cry. Just sat in my lap and cried and fussed for about 30 minutes. And then, all of a sudden she was fine, and ready to play. And we ended up having a great time at the recital, and she really did enjoy herself.

I think about that, because she had to get to the end of her rope, realize that I couldn't just take her home (we were about an hour away), realize that she wasn't in charge, and once she did that, she enjoyed the place I had brought her. How similar to my fit I threw yesterday. I had to get to the end of my rope, realize I am not in charge, and if I just relax and let God comfort me, I can actually enjoy where he has brought me.

I just love it when God gives us real-life illustrations, for "such a time as this."